My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize