"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
