Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The power of my boobs compel you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
