he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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