She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
