Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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