I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
