pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
