I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
