I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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