I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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