i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
