ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
