giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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