So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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