i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
