You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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