last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize