I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
