and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
