The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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