So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
