I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
