Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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