Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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