He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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