I got chris browned last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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