i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
