Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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