once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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