my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize