I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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