Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
