Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
