Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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