Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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