anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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