Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
