I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
