so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
