you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
