fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
