I will die if light touches me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize