So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just pee around me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
