so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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