I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
