Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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