He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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