i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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