Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
