Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I AM VODKA MAN
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
