why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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