My cat gives me a boner
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
