she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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