Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
