even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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