dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
