this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
