Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
