Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i think i just lost a toe
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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