I'm going to jail i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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