I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
