Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize