you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
