I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
