Me too!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize