you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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