i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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