We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
