Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When are your genitals available?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
