it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
