when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
