Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
