Moan for me like Helen Keller
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pants are for mortals
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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