can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
